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Mars Venus Parenting and Hot Steamy Sex

Wednesday, October 5th, 2011

Erotic and exciting sex is not only for the unattached or young. I’d even argue it gets better with age and knowing your partner. The biggest culprit to your sex life falling flat on its face while you’re raising kids starts with a T, although it’s not necessarily lack of toys. It’s more likely that the offender we blame is: T…I…M…E, when really it’s our lack of prioritizing a hot sex life into our busy schedules.

When we don’t nurture and grow our sex life, then we often find that sex left the premises. Not connecting often enough with your partner in this way can leave the door wide open to one or both of you straying—either in emotional or physical affairs. So how do you broach this sticky subject if one or both parents are stressed out and tired? Regardless if you’re a new mom figuring out your new body, or if you’re pre-menopausal, you can implement these techniques immediately into your life with your partner.

I cannot say from experience how things go once the kids become cognizant of the mewling sounds coming from the bedroom, because our toddler is still a toddler. From our experience we’ve followed the following tips and they work. These ideas are also drawn from the expertise of John Gray, Ph.D., relationship expert and author of the Mars Venus series that the Mars Venus Coaches use to strengthen relationships with their clients and workshop customers.

Humor

Keeping the atmosphere light and pressure free is an art. However, it is doable if humor is done without sarcasm or the intent to hurt or make you feel better at the expense of another. Maintaining a good sense of humor when things change on your body allows both partners to be uninhibited. And for both sexes it can lead to more intimacy. Accepting and making light of the weird things our bodies do as they age, as they bounce back from childbirth, and begin drooping and sagging is quite fun, especially if you’ve been together for awhile, because you’ll be able to remember and still see your hot cutie when they were XX years young. When we do accept these changes with grace, then we are able to be freer in the bedroom with our partners.

Play

Remaining playful, joyful, and young at heart—especially with your partner or spouse—is critical to keeping all the pressures of a fast-paced society out of your sex life. Leaving sexy notes and playing your fantasies out with your partner keeps ennui at bay, and keeps your sex life new and exciting. Telling your partner when someone else finds you attractive reaffirms being desired, while also keeping the sexual energy within your relationship, instead of giving it away.

Non-Sexual Touch

For women, it takes time to become sexually aroused. Women need to feel relaxed and that they’ve had sufficient time to take off their hats as mom, sister, daughter, housekeeper, and professional, before they feel like the sexy, hot playmate their partner may always see them as despite the messy pony-tail and spit up on their shirt. Taking time to sit beside a woman, or to give one another a foot or back rub, with no intention of this leading to sex can do wonders to turn women on as they anticipate sex later in the day.

Connecting not Necessarily Talking it Out

If you’ve gotten this far, and you are questioning how best to take action—wonderful! You do not need to talk about what you’re doing, just take action. If things are so tense or you’re so exhausted, humor, play, and non-sexual touch are three ways you can re-balance your relationship without adding more stress. The point is to re-connect. Quickie sex. Home-Cooked sex. Romantic sex. It can all be steamy. If you are counting on spontaneity, but then find one of you always bags out, then schedule a day and time each week so you both know that you’ll have time with one another.

Agree to Always Say Yes

Never say no.  This agreement ensures no one is ever turned down. Simple as that, and it works. This is when using a nonverbal signal such as three candles, like John Gray, Ph.D., suggests  lets the other person know you’re interested, and gives them time to get in the mood, or choose to have just a quickie instead.

Long Term Perspective

Our sex life in a long-term, committed relationship will ebb and flow. The key is being able to voice any dissatisfaction in a way that is nurturing not damaging. Complaining or putting your lack of a sex life down will not encourage more intimacy. Introducing eroticism and fantasy into your relationship can ensure that it remains monogamous, while also allowing both partners to freely explore their entire sexual depth.  Keeping things playful, humorous, and focused on connecting at deeper levels ensures a steamy sex life for years to come. Our bodies will change, we will go through life events, but if we embrace these events and are gentle with ourselves and our partners, then we’re able to continue growing together despite the odds.

For more information on Mars and Venus in the Bedroom go to John Gray’s, Ph.D., book of the same name. And, if you’re pressed for time you can also pick up more tips on healthy relationships with our eWorkshop: Secrets of Successful Relationships.

Lyndsay Katauskas, MEd

Mars Venus Coaching

Corporate Media Relations

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Gender Intelligent Communication to Increase Women’s Status, Part 1

Monday, October 3rd, 2011

Article for Forbes 2.7.11:

After reading and witnessing last week’s recent outpouring of opinion on what did and did not happen at Davos, why women are still not ascending and staying at the top of corporations, and why previous solutions have been lip service rather than a long term fix, I ask that you open your mind to the possibility of a quick, yet long-term fix to increase the status of women in the corporate world. I sense there is an undercurrent of paranoia and hysteria being felt by the references to Groundhogs day, and the frustration about why the numbers aren’t equalizing at the top of the leadership pyramid. These feelings of uneasiness are in response to many of us run ragged by constant low-grade stress. When we address the underlying issue of helping ourselves and each other to incorporate stress reduction into our daily life, especially while at work (where we spend most of our waking time), the actual fix pretty much comes down to common sense. However, the common sense is uncommon knowledge at this point in time. The solution I refer to is introducing gender intelligent communication into professional development training.

Whenever I ask people if they are familiar with the term men are from Mars, women are from Venus, there tends to be an instant lighting up of the eyes, and intake of breath. This term coined by John Gray , Ph.D. when he wrote his best-selling book of that title back in 1992 is now considered to be part our society’s vernacular. However, when is the last time you’ve picked up any of John Gray’s, Ph.D. books? There are now too many books (16 and counting) for a high-level executive, or really anyone for that matter who has both a career and family to tend to sit down and devote good chunks of time to read and assimilate the information. Instead of reading all of the literature, the following is a quick synopsis of why implementing this quick fix is imperative, not only for women to remain and ascend in the corporate world, but also why it needs to be done in order to re-balance and give quality of life back to everyone in this fast-paced, high-tech world.

Back in 1992 John Gray, Ph.D. provided an easy way to understand the fact that men and women communicate differently, and if we want better relationships, we have to learn the other’s dialect so we can speak the same language. Now, in 2011, we understand the research behind why we communicate differently, and the message is now more urgent than ever, because not only are women not climbing in corporate, but we’re doing irreversible damage to our bodies, and the families we are currently growing. It is imperative that the culture in corporate shift for good now that we understand the revolution of men and women are created equal to be an unexamined assumption and unrealistic expectation. Men and women are uniquely different genders, and the latest research is showing how our unique natures and physiology are meant to complement the other gender.

So to get back to the point we must saturate the “market” by doing just this: while at work teach how men and women communicate differently in workshops. It is imperative, because right now women are up against a brick wall when it comes to fitting into a culture that disregards their unique gender-based contributions of working and relating to others. Stand by for part two about why teaching workshops on gender intelligent communication is the common sense approach and quick fix for a long term solution.

Lyndsay Katauskas, MEd

Corporate Media Relations

Mars Venus Coaching

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The Joy of Watering & Feeding Kids

Friday, September 30th, 2011

One of the best feelings in the world is when a child’s eyes light up in recognition and they run at you, throwing their little arms around you for a big hug and cuddle. I remember promising myself when I was about ten years old and dealing with my father’s death that I would never lose that innocence, and wonder and joy for life. John Gray’s, Ph.D., book Children Are From Heaven, reminds us how precious our responsibilities are as adults to grow and raise children to not just be resilient in life, but to thrive. So how do you curb your tongue, focus on the positive, and be in-Joy to raise the kids in your life? As a mother myself, I cherish this promise I made to myself as a young child.  It impacts everything I do and say around our child to guide and grow his spirit, rather than stamp the light out.

When it comes to raising kids, I like to remember simple, yet effective truths to keep me focused on joyfully raising kids.

Negative response attracts negative behavior.

Positive response attracts positive behavior.

Children naturally gravitate to wanting to please and cooperate. In our family we choose to use positive parenting, because we believe that the behaviors we focus on is the behavior we are teaching our children to reproduce.

If they are doing something that is not appropriate, then we re-direct and model the behavior we’d like them to do instead. We choose to motivate our children with rewards. When adults are stressed out, sometimes what comes naturally is yelling or punishing the negative behavior. If we want our children to be empathetic and logical when reacting to undesirable behaviors, then we have to model this so our actions and words are their models.  We do not use food or toys to bribe, we use words of affirmation and physical touch. When I engage with any child I immediately acknowledge and praise what they did right. We reward it by praising them with:

  • verbal affirmation,
  • a hug,
  • a smile, or
  • a high-five

The only time we use the word “no” is for dangerous situations. Such as darting into the street, touching a hot stove, or jumping into a pool without an adult in the water, etc. The less you use this word, the more powerful its effect when it’s needed in an emergency. Every adult our son has come in contact with marvels at his politeness, his manners, his ability to look people directly in the eye while talking, his ability to share, and his compassion for others. He’s not even three years old.

What this does is take the focus off of giving children consequences for negative behavior. Instead we provide consequences when they engage in positive behavior. We let them know when they’ve done a job well, when they’ve attempted to do something helpful, and when we’d like to see more of that behavior. Therefore we use positive outcomes to motivate children rather using a negative outcome.

Children are born wanting to please and cooperate with their parents. John Gray’s, Ph.D., program taps into returning the power to parents to guide children to learn how to make the right choices. When we give children the choice to choose, and give them options for acceptable behaviors, we do not stamp out their quest for independence. Instead we provide structure for them to make choices based on their developmental levels. This starts as soon as they can crawl. The more choices we give them, the more opportunities we give children to exert their independence and feel successful at navigating their way through life.

The more often we are able to parent using techniques based on love and mutual respect, rather than fear and guilt, the more time we have to play together. We all make mistakes, so remember to be gentle with yourself too. Raising kids joyfully and guiding with compassion are the greatest gifts we can give our children so they grow into happy, well-adjusted adults.

Lyndsay Katauskas, MEd

Mars Venus Coaching

Corporate Media Relations

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Soul Mate Tips for Women

Wednesday, September 28th, 2011

Is there a lack of quality men in the dating pool? Women laugh and joke with their friends about this, but sometimes the more books and articles women read while sitting by the pool, the more true this sounds and feels. Why are only 48% of people between 25-55 years old married? Perhaps it’s due to our fast paced lifestyles, on top of technological advances, and our ignorance of the differences in men and women’s physiology in response to stress, communication, diet, and nutrition. The good news is that both emotional intelligence and gender intelligence can be assessed, but more importantly skills can be learned to increase your ability to have successful relationships—both personally and professionally.

Four Areas of Compatibility

We reduce our chances of finding our soul mate, by becoming physical too soon, too often. A soul mate is a person that challenges us in all four areas:

  • Intellectual,
  • Emotional,
  • Spiritual, and
  • Physical

It is impossible to know if someone challenges you intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually if you become physical too soon.

Research shows love chemicals are released when you first make love with someone, stimulating the same areas of the brain as a cocaine high. The chemicals responsible for this feeling of falling in love remains in your body for up to 6-12 months after becoming intimate. It is not until 18-24 months into an exclusive dating relationship (when many people get married, and then divorce thinking their relationship has fallen apart, because they got married…) that these chemicals leave your body.

There is no way around time. You need it to assess and see if your partner is compatible with you—your character, values, beliefs, and ability to grow with you throughout life’s events. It feels amazing to have sex, but it’s not always the best way to test if you are meant for someone. Casually dating many people at once gives you time to see who is the most compatible with you.

Get to know men in a variety of situations and with different people for 18-24 months before becoming physical. Historically, people courted with chaperones and spent time getting to know their date to see if they intellectually or emotionally challenged each other before they moved on to petting, holding hands, and being intimate.

Intellectual

Soul mates intellectually fulfill and challenge you. Not only will you need to rely on their skills for things like financial planning for your future, but as you age the physical aspects of a relationship may diminish as you age. What keeps people together is a mutual respect and appreciation of being encouraged to engage and pursue individual passions.

If you have children, much of your time during your child rearing years will be devoted to raising and developing children. This wears you down in a good way, but if there is no intellectual stimulation in your relationship, then you may begin looking elsewhere so you feel more than a milk machine and kisser of boo-boos.

Emotional

Same goes for emotional compatibility. Today we often place unrealistic expectations and unexamined assumptions on men to fill the space of girlfriends, because we have less time to spend connecting in community with other women. We expect our boyfriends or husbands to listen to us as we can hash out our days, because it makes us feel close and connected.

However, men typically communicate with others when they have thought through and have a solution or are solving a problem. This does not mean stop sharing your day with your boyfriend, but what it does come down to is when you are assessing your emotional compatibility you have to look at whether or not you are both emotionally open at the same level.

Ninety-three percent of communication is non-verbal, so when you’re testing compatibility look at how healthy you are together. Yelling, fighting, jealousy, name-calling, or being evasive are destructive behaviors. If you find this in your relationships, then before pursuing a long-term relationship it is best first to learn conflict resolution skills and ways to manage anger so that you are able to speak openly, honestly, and tactfully. All interactions should be ones where you are uplifting each other, not tearing down.

Spiritual

Over the years people’s spirituality grows and changes. In a long-term relationship the question to be asked is whether or not you are growing:

  1. in a similar direction,
  2. at a similar intensity/rate, and
  3. whether or not you’ll be able to allow each other to develop spiritually on both
    1. an individual level, as well as
    2. an entire family too.

If you never explore or ask the questions, or just assume you’re on the same page, then you could find yourself years down the road with a great schism running through your marriage. You’ve grown in different directions at different rates. This can lead to mid-life crises, and emptiness.

Physical

Once you’ve spent time growing as individuals while casually dating a few people at once, and you find yourself compatible on an intellectual, emotional, and then spiritual level—then decide to become exclusive and date only one person. If you’ve already become physical, you can always call a moratorium until you find out if you’re good together in the other areas. There’s a risk of bringing children into the equation, which complicates everyone’s growth and maturity. While you are parenting children you may end up parenting each other too. Men tend to jump right back into physical relationships after being hurt from previous ones. Women tend to take time to heal and trust again—and therein lays the dilemma of the current dating scene, and the pressure to perform first before dating around.

Lyndsay Katauskas, MEd

Mars Venus Coaching

Corporate Media Relations

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Busy Moms Embrace Common Cents

Monday, September 26th, 2011

It is that time of year again when moms begin prepping their children to go to school. In my case, it’s for preschool. As we go from virtually non-existent laissez faire schedules to the regimen of “You’ll miss the bus if you…!” We also have to ask ourselves what we’re doing to conserve our sanity.

It’s a known fact that in a 1 dollar U.S. bill, 100 pennies make up a dollar. So the question begs to be asked, if we have 24 hours in a day, and at least 8 of those hours should have the entire household snoozing, up to 11 if you’re under 4 feet tall…WHY are we cramming in more activities than is possible to get done in a 24 hour day? The math does not add up! Neither do the health bills further down the road.

Clients, and most have the title “Mom” or “Dad” on their resume, often come to me for help in time-management. Of all the seminars and workshops I do—when I have people shout out their greatest challenge—prioritizing their time tops the list.

Our bodies run on a circadian clock that resets itself around every 24 hours. We are not wired to be on the go all-the-time, and our bodies are wearing out with excess cortisol, a stress-producing hormone, chronically in our system.  Any mom knows that if you do not give your children enough down time, then they become over-tired, their “poop” schedule gets thrown off, and you have a child prone to melt-downs or temper-tantrums on your hands.

Guess what? Same goes for you Momma! Do you wonder why you’re short with everyone, or why it’s hard to convince yourself to be sexy or romantic? The only answer is: you’re not giving enough time to one very important area in your life. You.

And, you can bring your household back into a pleasant place to relax, unwind, and connect with those you love most. The way you achieve any goal is first to define the goal, create a strategy, and identify the actions you need to take on a daily basis to achieve the goal.

Goal: Everyone’s sanity, health, and a functional well-adjusted family.

Strategy: Build in at least 4-6 hours per day where the pace is easy-going. Make sure at least 1 of these hours is 1-on-1 time with just your “self.”

NOTE: No other distractions allowed. TV, texting, phone calls, internet—Banned.

Actions: Every day during the school week my family will:

  • Use this time to cook meals and chat with family about the day.
  • Pack lunches together.
  • Do the dishes, unload dishes, or fold laundry while catching up.
  • Spend time in the same bed or on the same couch cuddling and hugging.
  • Sit down to breakfast and dinner all together.
  • Demand quiet play time for everyone in the household.

During quiet time…Light some candles, diffuse essential oils, run the bath. This may be a good time for you to check email or make a quick phone call as the bath fills. But, guess what? Once the tub is full—it’s time for alone time for you.  Read a chapter of a good novel & then wash your hair. The point for you during quiet time is to relax. (You’ve been connecting and nurturing during some of the chores & meals.)

As a woman you’ll replenish your stress-reducing hormone, oxytocin.  You do this by nurturing and caring for others or yourself. The key is no expectations can be attached. If someone is expecting you to do something, oxytocin isn’t produced as readily.

The point for a guy during quiet time is to do an activity that is less mentally challenging or doing nothing…, however, his stress-reducing hormone is testosterone. There really is a biologically proven reason why guys drop to the couch at the end of the day.

Same goes for your kids. They need to produce stress-reducing hormones too. It keeps everyone’s digestion moving, makes for more restful nights, strengthens your immune system, and improves your relationships.

The more we’re able to disengage ourselves from distractions, the more time we will have both for ourselves, and for our families. In a society where the divorce rate has tipped to over 50%, don’t you owe yourself this break, this chance, to keep your body healthy, your sanity in-tact, and to continue to model balance to your children?

We all need down-time in our schedules. If 4-6 hours seems too much at first, set another target number, and work backwards from there. Just remember it’s non-negotiable. We can’t change our circadian rhythm, and we cannot change how many hours are in a day. We start early teaching kids’ routines and schedules (including nap time) for a reason. Be a do as I say, just like I do mom. You and your kids will thank you for it.

Lyndsay Katauskas, MEd

Mars Venus Coaching

Corporate Media Relations

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Get Gorgeous Results with Joy

Friday, September 23rd, 2011

The instant fix to look immediately ravishing is feeling joyful. When you radiate joy, then not only do people notice you, but they want to be around you more often. Do you experience joy on a daily basis? Is this realistic? We here at Mars Venus Coaching think it is—and when you’re able to experience and share joy with others daily, then this also makes you a humbler, more compassionate person as well. No need for a trip to the doctor’s or cosmetologist’s office, the answer lies with you—in your head. You may have heard that a smile opens doors, but what we’re talking about here is pure joy.

Wanting or thinking about being happy or joyful does not necessarily make it so. You have to take a concrete step in order to make joy a part of your reality. It alleviates everything from depression to bad relationships. If you have either—or if you are overweight, dislike your job situation, your relationships aren’t as good as you’d like—then creating a 90 day plan with a coach who keeps you accountable just may help. Try it yourself first, then if you’re having trouble sticking to and articulating what you’re wishing and hoping for—then find yourself a coach that has all the qualities you’re looking to possess yourself.

To get started today below are a few daily scenarios with tips to help you reframe how you perceive your situation and see the joy in your daily life experiences.

On the way to work in a train, plane, or automobile:

Commute slow or lengthy or bogged down…focus on your senses. The smells, how it feels, and what you can hear, and what nature you can see. Look for the beautiful and be in awe. It could be a glimpse of green shrubbery, a whimsical cloud, a soaring bird, or a deer peeking out of the woods. Listening to favorite songs and singing or humming along also works!

At work:

Do the unexpected. Settle in to your routine and notice where your body is in relation to what you’re doing. If it feels tight or cramped, do something to alleviate the symptoms—walk outside to get some vitamin D from the sun and notice nature, go to the bathroom and do some stretches, give a compliment to a co-worker or a customer unexpected.

Coming home to a house—empty or full:

Gratitude or Create Beauty. Think of everything you have—shelter, safety, and pick up or look at one of your favorite things. Do something that creates beauty—whether it’s the perfect temperature bubble bath, or the perfect vegetable medley, messy finger paints with your kids, or a crazy haphazard waltz around the house with your loved ones. Engage and immerse yourself in your home and what makes you uniquely you and your family too. Silliness factors in big time!

In a conflict:

Stop. Before you say anything, STOP. Tell yourself STFU or WTF if you need to, but STOP. Before you say anything get into the mindset of the other person. If what you’d like to say will escalate the situation or cause hurt, then don’t. Deflect and deflate the situation by agreeing or redirecting to another topic. Then focus on how you can lift each other up, and how both sides can win.

Listening to the voices in your head:

Run like a kid. And, one of the best remedies is going for a long run in bare feet (or one of those shoes that let’s your arches do what they’re supposed to do and move). What? That’s right—if you can zone out and find yourself in the flow on a run, it doesn’t have to be fast (and it doesn’t have to be without shoes), just start out remembering how you used to do it as a kid. You can also run-walk, but the focus here is to do it like a kid. Remember the thrill of just moving your body and not knowing for how far or how long or how fast you’re trying to do something. The voices will be silenced, and in its place: serene joy.

The more you find yourself throughout the day in the present moment enjoying each sensation and interaction as it happens the more you will be “in” joy. You can do this while parenting, on dates, or all by yourself whenever you need a pick me up. Go ahead, take a picture or dig out an old one of when you were ecstatically happy—I don’t know a picture that isn’t beautiful when joy is present. That’s all it is—is being physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually here right now. Are you there yet? Questions, feel free to ask!

Lyndsay Katauskas, MEd

Mars Venus Coaching

Corporate Media Relations

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Memorial Day Marks the Procession of Future Leaders

Tuesday, May 31st, 2011

As an American part of our tradition around Memorial Day weekend is to honor the sacrifices made by patriots to earn our nation’s freedom. It is often celebrated by visiting the graves of fallen airmen, marines, soldiers, and sailors. Many families also choose to celebrate this day of remembrance with their families, pausing to remember those who give us our freedom of speech, religion, and assembly. As newly minted college graduates enter our workforce today, let us remember why our country is so great.

This week the five Service Academies: The United States Air Force Academy, The United States Coast Guard Academy, The United States Naval Academy (my Alma matter), The United States Merchant Marine Academy, and The United States Military Academy will commission young officers at the same time as granting these young men and women college degrees.

The Citadel and Virginia Military Institute, as well as other private colleges and state universities with ROTC (Reserve Officers’ Training  Corps) programs will also grant commissions to a few of the elite leaders of our nation.

Let us not forget the enlistments of adolescents’ fresh from graduating high school. They provide the backbone and strength of our nation’s highly-trained precision-based military.

These men and women have chosen to volunteer a minimum of 8-10 years of their life for 24 hours a day, 7 days a week to ensure our nation remains safe and secure so that other people may choose to pursue jobs in the professions of their choice.  Some of these brave, courageous men and women will give their lives. At this point in history, our military holds the highest numbers and levels of trained professionals both in the enlisted and officer ranks. What is it that puts our service members a cut about the rest of the world’s militaries? And how can these traits impact the other young professionals entering America’s workforce today?

If you’re just now entering the workforce, or have been there for some time why not reflect a moment on whether you possess these characteristics, and what you can do to make your organization better:

Leadership by Example

Many of the national leadership programs preparing young high school and college graduates follow the same philosophy that to lead you must do so by example. Actions speak much louder than words. Who would you rather follow, someone directing you from afar, or someone that is standing right next to you as you overcome challenges? Leading by example holds not only the leader accountable, but also those underneath him or her, because a leader’s credibility depends on following through and carrying out actions that mirror the vision, purpose, and mission statement of their organization.

Valuing Ethics and Character

When you take an oath to be a leader who will put God, country, and others before self, you require a person to take responsibility for the growth of those enlisted in his or her charge. America is a melting pot of diverse cultures, religions, and races. Its’ strength lies in its diversity. And, at the heart of every individual lies an internal compass, which guides him or her in what’s right or wrong. The strength of a person’s character depends on how cognizant a person is of upholding a common code of ethics so that everyone’s rights are both honored and protected. Justice prevails. Honor and respect are a given, and consequences are enforced when one trails from an organization’s rules of operation. Think about how your organization respects the differences between men and women, and how you honor this dynamic.

Decisions Made at the Lowest Tactical Level

Many lessons have been learned from those who have gone before us. And today’s military is a powerhouse, because it has chosen to drill lessons learned after every tactical and operational engagement—whether it is in training or during war. Lessons learned not only helps us from repeating the same mistake it also honors those that came before us and the lives lost during our fight for freedom. One of the biggest lessons learned during the last fifty years is that decisions must be entrusted to those fighting on the ground. There are rules of engagement in the military, and because of the emphasis on developing every single service man and woman’s leadership potential this is a reality in our military. Other militaries require decisions to be made by senior military officials, and when time is of the essence the decisions tend to be too late at the cost of lives and equipment lost. When organizations are able to entrust leadership decisions to be made at the lowest level, then their actions, and therefore their responses are in real-time. Something that is much needed in our technology-driven society.

Highly Skilled Leaders in Emotional Intelligence

The last area that the military excels at—and one I attest to as a former Marine Corps officer—is acting on the premise people are your high value asset. When it comes down to getting a job done, it is not the weaponry or equipment which matters, it is the people. The more emotionally attuned you are to gender communication styles, personality typing, active listening, and both verbal and nonverbal communication—the better you are able to lead, because you know how to connect on a genuine level with others. The personal connection with everyone you meet is your most important capability over time. Implementing systems and leading from the front requires inspiration to greatness not motivation from behind.

Lyndsay Katauskas, MEd

Mars Venus Coaching

Corporate Media Relations

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6 Ways Our Heaters Stop Loving & Our A/C Gets Stuck

Friday, May 20th, 2011

At Mars Venus Coaching we use words like: love tank and love heater. Regardless of the terminology we use, when it comes to relationships we are all looking for the same thing: love. We want our partner to love us for who we are with our limitations, after all we’re not perfect. But can we really love our partner for who they are after we’ve experienced their daily limitations and imperfections? If we feel any blame toward our partner, it makes it even more difficult to accept, understand, and forgive our partners limitations. Learning to love them when times are difficult is when our love actually grows. Having an open heart, rather than a closed one is how to make unconditional love automatic.

Our hearts close up when we don’t work to address past feelings that threaten our current relationships. If we weren’t told as children it was okay to have some of these feelings, and that we would still be loved; then it is something we need to do for ourselves as adults so we can grow, mature, and have healthy adult relationships. We tend to repeat patterns, until we learn a new way to break them, and move on. Beneath each of the ways we stop loving our partners there is a solution for how to overcome these tendencies. Generally speaking women relate more to some of the tendencies and men to others, but we experience all of them to some degree. The six ways in which we stop loving our partners when we cave in to re-experiencing past feelings are:

1. Loss of Trust. Suddenly you may find yourself wondering and trusting if your partner is doing his or her best or that they care. You question and doubt their best intentions.

Even though he or she would risk their life to save yours, you begin judging them as if they do not care about you.

For Women: Re-parent by slowly opening up and care for yourself. Temporarily stop depending on your partner, and nurture your female side.

2. Loss of Caring. You stop caring about your partner’s needs and feelings. You justify this by the mistreatment you’ve suffered at their hands. We said we would risk our lives to save them, and suddenly we don’t care about them.

For Men: Trust yourself to be successful in the future. Stop depending on your partner’s trust in you to feel successful. Nurture your male side.

3. Loss of Appreciation. Sometimes overnight you begin to feel as if this relationship gives you nothing, whereas other times you had been so grateful and happy. It feels like you are doing everything, while they do nothing. Having this sudden memory lapse, you are now feeling deprived and totally no appreciation for your partner.

For Women: Re-parent yourself by respecting and supporting yourself and nurture your female side.

4. Loss of Respect. Suddenly you feel like withholding love and punishing your partner when just a while ago you wanted only to love and support your partner. Even though you genuinely feel like making your partner happy, now your main focus is caring about yourself.

For Men: Re-parent yourself by appreciating yourself for all you do, suspend needing your partner’s acknowledgement and appreciation temporarily. Nurture your male side. Do not feel like you have to surrender your sense of self in order to please your partner.

5. Loss of Acceptance. All at once you begin noticing everything your partner does wrong or needs to change. This is the same person you felt was perfect and perfect for you, and now out of nowhere you have a compulsion to change, improve, or rehabilitate them.

For Women: To re-parent, slowly open up and take time to understand and experience your feelings and validate your own needs. Release the need to change him.

6. Loss of Understanding. Suddenly while our partners are saying something, we become critical or judgmental of their feelings and reactions. We do this by minimizing their pain as if it doesn’t really matter. However, if they were physically wounded, we would still risk our lives to save them. Even though this is the most important person in our life—we quickly become disinterested and impatient with them. When they are sharing their feelings, we become defensive and feel as if we’re being attacked.

For Men: To re-parent slowly open up and appreciate yourself for all that you do, even if your partner is not doing this. Graciously excuse yourself, go into your cave, and do something that nurtures your male side. Take the time to consider what her feelings are without feeling pressure to immediately respond and say something.

If we find our hearts closed or closing down, it is our responsibility to open them back up. We are no longer children, and as an adult in an adult relationship, we have to take responsibility for our actions. By taking responsibility even if you still feel defensive, you’ll release yourself from negativity, and be able think logically about what was being said. By nurturing your female side if you’re a woman and your male side if you’re a man, you bring value back to yourself, while working through the feelings.

Childhood feelings threaten our responsibility if we find ourselves feeling it is the other person’s fault for not doing x, y, or z or doing a, b, c, to us. It is by acknowledging you feel blame, and then deciding for ourselves that we are committed to forgiveness, that we’re able to come back to our adult selves and release our immature feelings. Next time we’ll talk about how to nurture your male/female sides.

Lyndsay Katauskas, MEd
Mars Venus Coaching
Corporate Media Relations

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Your Tango Expert Blog

Friday, January 21st, 2011

Your Tango Print Screen

Have you read our Your Tango Expert Blog? Take a look here.

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Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus… Referrals are from YOU!

Monday, October 11th, 2010

Put some extra cash in your pocket while spreading the word about Mars Venus Coaching’s NEW eWorkshops! It’s our way of saying thank you for your kind referrals.  As an expert in the field of communication, John Gray’s focus is to help men and women understand, respect and appreciate their differences in both personal and professional relationships.  By spreading the word about Mars Venus Coaching’s eWorkshops, you can help to share John Gray’s powerful message with the world – and get PAID to do it!  Do you have friends, family, or coworkers that could benefit from eWorkshops on relationships, dating, starting over, raising children, dealing with stress, or help coping with issues at work?  We all do! These eWorkshops provide simple, practical tools and insights to effectively manage stress and improve relationships at all stages and ages by creating the brain and body chemistry of health, happiness and lasting romance.  In fact, these are the same life-changing, workshops that John Gray and his team of Mars Venus Success coaches have given in-person throughout the world.  And now people can benefit from these workshops in the comfort of their own home.

Make a difference in the life of someone you know (or even someone you don’t know) and let us reward you for your efforts!

  • The Mars Venus Affiliate Program pays you 25% of each eWorkshop purchase you refer to us!
  • And when you sign up another affiliate, you’ll earn an additional 10% on each of their referral sales
  • The best part…it’s COMPLETELY FREE to sign up!

Fill out the form to become an affiliate today…it’s FAST and it’s  FREE!

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