Valentine’s Day is closing in on all of us, and many of us are beginning to think about how to score big points with our sweethearts. How can men and women score big over Valentine’s Day? What if we knew how the opposite sex keeps score? What we may not know is the way men and women score points with the opposite sex is NOT the same. We are from two different planets, Men are from Mars, and Women are from Venus. From the ways we communicate to the ways we reduce our stress, we do it differently. For example at the end of a long day, men like to go to their do “cave” to begin unwinding from the stressors of the day, and generally women, well they need to connect, talk it out and nurture to reduce their stress levels.
For men, the easiest analogy to use is how you go about giving your darling the dozen roses that so typify Valentine’s sales. You will score MORE points if you give your girl twelve roses spread out over time (say in the days leading up to and past Feb 14th) than if you a dozen that one time on Valentine’s Day. For each act of kindness you get 1 point in the Venusian world. There is no sense arguing about it. Ask any woman, she will tell you it’s true. She keeps score by how many things you do for or notice about her. You also get a point each time you notice the things she does for you…like wearing a cute outfit (“Wow babe, you look great in those jeans!”), getting a new hairstyle (“I like the way you did something different with your hair, it lights up your eyes.”), or filling up your gas tank (Wow, sweetie, thanks for filling the car while you shopped for groceries!”). When you do the little things like put your plate in the dishwasher instead of the sink (if that’s what makes her happy), give her a kiss when either of you comes/leaves home, notice her nails are done, etc. You get 1 point for each item.
Aside from any hopes of compounding their interest…Martians tend to wipe the slate clean after you score big, however Venusians remember everything. Unfortunately MEN, if you forget to notice her new manicure, Venusians then take that point away. The Venusian tally never stops, just like a Venusian’s never ending to-do list. So MEN, if you’ve been in the dog house. There is hope! You can come out on top. The BIGGEST way to rack up points (and sometimes the fastest) is when you just sit and listen to her talk. The key here is she talks, and you do not give advice. See, for every minute you sit and listen, and do not say anything except “mm-hmm” or “oh, wow!” or “really?” you score a point! Typically, for women the talking reduces stress, this makes her happier, and what follows gentlemen and ladies is that she will probably be more in the mood for intimacy. Non-sexual touch (little kisses, pats on the tooshie, hugs, cuddling on the couch, holding her hand) for no reason–are quick easy ways you can add up points throughout the day. When you remember and do the little things that make her happy, you’ll send her to the moon.
Now WOMEN: when you acknowledge the little things your man is doing daily for you, this actually is one way for you to score big with him. Why? When a woman shows she is paying attention to how their men are providing, taking care of her, and keeping her safe and secure she is helping her man to feel important and needed. When either person takes for granted any little thing the other does to sacrifice for the good of the relationship, you begin to build resentment. At the most basic level guys need to feel like they are providing to the family, and women want to feel safe and secure. Another way for women to score big with their men let them relax by sitting on the couch, watching a game, surfing the internet, or taking a quick nap. Whatever it is they like to do for their hobby, or go to their “cave,” let them. Know it is not about you. They actually need this down time to replenish their testosterone levels (which reduces their stress), and then makes them more available to get back to you and your honey-do list.
How are you planning to score BIG around Valentine’s? Did you notice I said “around” instead of “on” that special sweetheart day? Another note, make sure you are genuine when communicating (both verbally and nonverbally) with the other person. Doing things by rote may backfire. And, if you’re in a relationship where it has been out of balance for a while, it may take many times of tallying up points before your love begins to open your sweetie’s heart again to freely trust and love. If you try to score points as a way to get your own needs met, then the giving is not done out of unconditional love and genuine want for the other’s needs to be met, and it probably will not work. For those of us still stuck about the little things we can do to show our love—let us know what you intend to do for Valentine’s.
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